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CNWF²
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Location : San Bernardino, California
Arena : Cox Arena
Maximum Attendance: 6,035
In Attendance : 12,250
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{intro}
The "Danger Zone" theme quietly begins playing
as the Danger Zone logo fades on to the screen. It remains in the center of the black screen for a few seconds.
After the alloted time, a rippling effect takes the logo off the screen as the incessant beat of the Danger Zone
theme picks up momentum. Now a clip of the Evil Lord Pelius can be seen throwing an unrecognizable wrestler over
the top rope of a ring filled with many other competitors, but are unrecognizable due to the brevity of the clip.
Another clip pops up of Dominator of Destruction delivering his "Self Destruct" powerbomb from the second
rope to Jason Agony. The next clip is of Malibu Mike Donovan delivering his "Malibu Adjustment" piledriver
to another unrecognizable wrestler. A clip of president Lex Victor extending his arm toward the ring with his fist
electronically blurred out is shown next. Clips such as those continue on as the music progresses. The clips stop,
but the music progresses during...
{cut to an aerial shot of the arena}
... a shot of the arena. The arena seems to be about half
full of clamoring fans of the CNWF². It seems as if few people bothered to bring any signs to the event, and
very few are actually readable from this vantage. One noticeable sign reads "Bring back the Nitraw Girls".
At this point, the music ends.
{cut to shot of the commentary table}
Currently on hand for commentary are the fat, rosy cheeked
Knee Johnson on the left and the comparatively slender, ever ambiguous Frenchie Parker on the right. Knee Johnson
looks to be a reject from a fat farm, and though he wears glasses and is adorned with a moustache, looks nowhere
near intelligent with his constant idiotic grin. On the other hand, Frenchie Parker looks somewhat like Leonardo
Di Caprio with blonder hair and a square, but nevertheless thin jaw. Both are wearing CNWF² Danger Zone sweat
shirts, though Frenchie's has short sleeves revealing that the man is actually quite muscular for a person many
believe to be a wimp. On the left side of the shirts are buttons that look exactly like the new CNWF² logo...
a silver hoop with two silver tipped gold cross members in the center extending through the hoop, the gold letters
"CN" vertically lined, "WF" horizontally lined, and the "²" positioned directly
in the center of the compass-like design.
At this point, Frenchie looks directly into the camera with
a blue eyed gaze that has made women across the country think "Say it isn't so, Frenchie!" due to his
never ending vagueness where it concerns his personal preferences.
{commentary}
Frenchie Parker:
Welcome everyone to the thirteenth edition of CNWF Squared Danger Zone! I'm your host along with Knee Johnson...
Knee Johnson:
{waving at the camera} Hiya!
Frenchie Parker:
... bringing to you some of the greatest action seen in the squared circle... in the _first_ squared circle of
wrestling... the CNWF Squared squared circle! {takes
a sigh of relief upon saying the cumbersome phrase correctly.}
Knee Johnson:
So where the hell is Lex Victor? Ain't he normally out here with us?
Frenchie Parker:
Well, Knee... he's too busy to do commentary anymore. I hear we're going to get a new guy to fill in for his spot.
I hear he's a big, strong man who used to play basketball.
Knee Johnson:
Cool it, Frenchie, or I'm gonna have ta put the smack down on ya!
Frenchie Parker:
{grinning}
Now isn't that what you were saying to yourself in the dressing room just a few minutes ago?
Knee Johnson:
{face turning red with anger, but more so with embarassment} Heh heh... I don't wanna talk about that now, Frenchie. What the heck is this?
{cut to shot of the walkway}
"Hip Hop" by LL Cool J plays over the public address
system. A quite tall black man steps out wearing a blue basketball jersey with matching shorts with a gold stripe
running down either side. The numbers "86" are on the front of the jersey. On the left side, the "CNWF²"
pin can be seen.
As the large, thin man walks by the camera, the name "Copeland"
can be seen written across the top of the jersey.
{commentary}
Knee Johnson:
What the hell is this? What's _he_ doing with a CNWF Squared special issue pin?
Frenchie Parker:
Oh man! It's a black man! Lex isn't racist!
Knee Johnson:
{sarcasm quite evident in his voice} What? Did Lexy-pooh sign up Shaquille O'Niel to wrestle for the CNWF²?
{walkway}
The man makes it to where the ring is, but instead of entering
the ring, he turns toward the ringside commentary table.
{cut to shot of the commentary table angled toward the walkway}
Knee Johnson looks a bit scared, and Frenchie Parker just
looks surprised.
{commentary}
Frenchie Parker:
Well! I guess this is the new guy that's gonna help us call the matches!
Knee Johnson:
I hate bla... I mean basketball!
{commentary area}
The man walks to the commentary table, takes the seat right
next to Knee Johnson and sits down. He puts on a headset and then sits back in his chair... which seems a bit small
for him.
{commentary}
Knee Johnson:
Uh... hi... Copeland! {laughs a bit uneasily} So, how's it going, brother?
Dexter Copeland:
{snapping back at Knee, with quite an angry expression
on his face} Dat's _DEXTER COPELAND_ to you, sucka'! An' I
demand _respect_ from a little bigot bastard like you, know what ah'm sayin'?
Knee Johnson:
Ah man... I guess I'm still gonna have ta take punishmenton commentary duty!
Dexter Copeland:
Well, you deserve it, fat boy! An' I don't wanna hear any racist remarks outta ya, a'ight?
Knee Johnson:
You got it, man!
Dexter Copeland:
You one lucky punk, knee. Most otha' brotha's would knock yo' punk ass _out_ just after seein' ya!
Frenchie Parker:
{laughing}
Dexter Copeland:
Hey, brah? What's so funny? You laughin' at me?
Frenchie Parker:
{continuing to laugh} No! It's just Knee's had this one coming for a long time, and it's nice ta see him get what
he deserves, ya know?
Dexter Copeland:
{breaking in to a smile} Hey, brah! You's a'ight! But lookin' down dis here schedj', looks like y'all have ta put up
da dukes fo' da first match o' da night.
Frenchie Parker:
Ya know it! I'd better get in the ring.
Knee Johnson:
Don't go Frenchie! You're leavin' me with a mad man!
Dexter Copeland:
{snapping once again at Knee} What dat you say?
Knee Johnson:
Uh... nothing! Nothing at all!
Dexter Copeland:
{calming a bit}
Yeah... dat's what I thought!
{cut to shot of the ring}
The "Ride" theme song plays as Frenchie Parker
steps into the ring. The "CNWF²" pin appears to be missing from the shirt... as he probably took
it off before entering the ring. The audience is cheering for him as he walks to the center, and looks at them
with a daring look. Then, with the smooth dexterity of a Chip 'n Dale's stripper, he takes off his Danger Zone
sweat shirt and throws it into the swarming audience causing another large cheer to emit from them. He spins around
and looks toward the audience with yet another daring look, but this time he goes for his beige Khaki pants! Women
can be heard cheering around the audience as he unbuttons and unzips the fly.
{commentary}
Knee Johnson:
What does he think he's doing! He's snapped... err... unsnapped!
Dexter Copeland:
Sucka', it's a free country. Live wit' it.
{ring}
Once again, with a fluid movement, the man strips off the
pants revealing that he is wearing black and red trunks adorned with "Parker" embroidered in black on
the back. He then spins the pants around his head, then throws them into the audience causing yet another quite
positive reaction from the women in attendance.
{commentary}
Knee Johnson:
Ya know, if this guy's so popular, why is this audience only half full?
Dexter Copeland:
It may only be half full, but do ya realize dat it's only half empty?
Knee Johnson:
You go ta college or something?
Dexter Copeland:
Hell yeah! Sports scholarship, brah! But I actually paid attention in my classes too... I was a killer in philosophy.
Knee Johnson:
Alright... so you're smarter than me... big deal. I can handle it. {Knee's
wavering voice obviously says that he can't}
{ring}
Ring Announcer:
And his opponent, weighing two-hundred thirty-one pounds... the Television Champion of the World... Christopher
Felinsworth, esquire!
{cut to shot of the walkway}
Puff Daddy's "All About The Benjamins" Rock Remix
plays. Christopher walks to the ring wearing black wrestling pants with the letters "CF" embroidered
on the side in gold. He also wears a black T shirt with "FPW" written in gold letters. The World Television
belt is strapped around his waist. His butler James walks before him while his large Italian, tuxedo clad, sunglass
wearing bodyguard Guido walks behind him. The fans throw things at him as he makes his way up the aisle.
{commentary}
Dexter Copeland:
_Damn_, dis guy is whack! You _know_ he ain't no playah if he be walkin' to the ring with "Puff Daddy"
blarin' his way to the ring!
Knee Johnson:
So, ya have a problem with Puff Daddy?
Dexter Copeland:
Man, I don't know who be worse... dat man, o' da Spice Girls.
Knee Johnson:
LL Cool J ain't "all dat" either, homey! He's a little "old school" for these days.
Dexter Copeland:
Listen up! You ain't got no right to speak about da "real G's" like dat, brah!
Knee Johnson:
So it's "real G's" now, huh? And you say you graduated college?
Dexter Copeland:
You don't know da firs' thing about bein' black, so shut yo' ass up!
{cut to shot of the ring}
Felinsworth enters the ring by himself, though Guido and
James stay at ringside. The timekeeper is in the ring at this point and demands the belt from Felinsworth, who
obliges. He looks over at Frenchie Parker with a smirk on his face... because he knows Parker doesn't stand a chance.
The crowd, however, is booing Felinsworth extraordinarily... especially considering the arena is only half full.
Frenchie looks amazingly confident as well. Finally, the referee calls for the bell, thus beginning the match.
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Christopher Felinsworth, esq vs Frenchie Parker
6'-2", 231 lbs — 6'-2", 232 lbs
(One Fall, Singles Match for the World Television Title)
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{ring}
Parker and Felinsworth lock up immediately, with Parker immediately
taking advantage with a hammer lock. Parker applies more pressure to the hold, causing Felinsworth to stumble foreward
into the ropes, causing the referee to force a breakup. Parker, however, decides to quickly hook up Felinsworth
into a back slide pinning predicament... and succeeds.
{commentary}
Dexter Copeland:
He didn't get nothin' on that one.
Knee Johnson:
I hope Felinsworth kicks his ass! I can't believe he abandoned me!
Dexter Copeland:
What, ya'll lovahs o' somethin'?
Knee Johnson:
_NO_! It's just now I have ta sit through a whole freakin' match sittin' next ta "Ebony Power"! That's
all.
Dexter Copeland:
I'll take that as a compliment.
Knee Johnson:
That's cause you're an idiot.
{cut to shot of the commentary table}
Copeland clocks Knee Johnson with a vicious clothesline,
sending Knee Johnson to the floor. He reels around on the floor for a bit before getting back up and sitting in
his chair.
{commentary}
Knee Johnson:
You've been talkin' with Lex, huh...
{cut to shot of the ring}
Currently, Frenchie Parker has Felinsworth in a sleeper hold.
The crowd is going wild as it looks like Frenchie is going to take Felinsworth under and become television champion.
Felinsworth is, however, a bit too savvy for Parker. He gets a bit of momentum going with a few foreward steps,
then runs around the ring. He is sure to run just close enough to the referee so that when he turns around, Frenchie
Parker who is still hanging on with the sleeper hits the referee just enough to send him off balance. While the
referee is recovering, Felinsworth delivers a low blow with his leg, causing Parker to release the hold... and
hold something else. Felinsworth then turns around and positions Parker's head between his legs. Felinsworth then
hooks both of Parker's arms, then executes a huge double underhook suplex which somehow ends up in the end looking
more like a Northern Lights suplex as he somehow found a way to bridge a double underhook suplex. The referee gets
in position to start counting.
{commentary}
Dexter Copeland:
Ah man! As coo' as Frenchie Parker is, I sho' don't see 'im gettin' his ass outta this one!
Knee Johnson:
That's the last dance, and there ain't no way he's gettin' outta it!
Dexter Copeland:
Dat's da three count, a'ight! Man, dat has ta hurt Frenchie's momentum!
Knee Johnson:
Momentum? Ha! Frenchie don't know the meaning of the word!
{ring}
Felinsworth is being announced as the winner as the audience
boos him quite generously. The Television belt is handed back to Felinsworth by the timekeeper. Felinsworth, upon
grasping the belt, raises it high into the air for everyone to see, resulting in another tremor of jeers. At this
point, Frenchie Parker is back up and goes over to Felinsworth to shake his hand.
{commentary}
Knee Johnson:
Alright! This has ta be the stupidest thing since... uh...
Dexter Copeland:
Yo' little one eight-hundred ad on the first Monday Nitraw? O' was that on Thrash?
Knee Johnson:
Shut up, Copey! If not, I just may have ta bust a cap in "yo'" ass!
Dexter Copeland:
Watch yo' mouf, you little punk!
Knee Johnson:
Oh man! Felinsworth just _shoved_ Frenchie down to the canvas! Serves that little jerk right!
Dexter Copeland:
I guess y'all consider anyone under three-hundred pounds ta be little, eh?
Knee Johnson:
Your lip is really gettin' on my nerves!
Dexter Copeland:
Well do somethin' about it, sucka'!
Knee Johnson:
Uh... um... forget it...
{ring}
Felinsworth exits the ring as "All About the Benjamins"
kicks in once again. The audience is booing him as he makes his way back up the aisle... seemingly not even caring
about what the audience thinks.
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Christopher Felinsworth by Pin Via "The Last Dance"
Bridged Double Underhook Suplex
(Successful World Television Title Defense)
___________________________
{cut to shot of the commentary table}
Copeland and Knee Johnson don't look to be too happy at this
time. The two just cannot seem to get along.
{commentary}
Dexter Copeland:
Ya know what? It's dat time fo' a commercial break. We still have Win' Whispah takin' on Tommy Craven, an' den
we have Outcast by Society takin' on "Go'ly" Ken Davison in a no countout, no disqualification match.
It's gonna be a hell raiser, so don't go away!
{At that point, the screen abruptly fades to black, and the
music discontinues.}
___________________________
| {Commercial
Break} |
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[part 1] | [part 2] | [part 3] | [part 4] | [part 5] | [part 6] | [part 7] | [part 8]